"Cold Storage" Is Silly Fun
Or, these guys are having a far worse day than you.
šš ½ (out of ššššš)
Director: Jonny Campbell
Screenplay by: David Koepp
Cinematographer: Tony Slater Ling
Starring: Joe Keery, Georgina Campbell, Liam Neeson, Lesley Manville, Vanessa Redgrave, Ellora Torchia
2026ās āCold Storageā might be the most mainstream thing Iāve ever reviewed here. I mean, Liam Neeson is in it, ffs. And while itās an exceptionally cute movie, it also reminded me why I prefer to stick to the non-mainstream.
Two night employees at a self-storage facility are having the absolute worst evening. For starters, Teacakeās boss wants him to help get a bunch of stolen TVs out of the facility, but Teacake is on probation, so thatās a big no for him. Itās Naomiās first night on the job, and she keeps receiving calls from her kidās father, whom sheās broken up with.
Unfortunately, things only get worse from there. After the bossman leaves, Teacake keeps hearing a squeaking sound and calls up Naomi to see if she hears it, too. They eventually trace the sound to a wall, only to realize that something is behind the wall. Which makes sense, because before this was a self-storage facility, it had been a military post full of fun stuff like bio-weapons. Of course, the two break open the wall to see whatās there and find a bunch of cool stuff. They also find a diagram leading them to floors beneath theirs.
Obviously, they head down there, too, only to find a horrifically disgusting rat king and some kind of green fungus growing all along the walls. (The audience already knows what the fungus is and what it does from the first ten minutes of the film.) They hightail it out of there, only to be greeted by Naomiās ex, who has shown up. Only, heās not looking so hot and is acting a bit more violent than usual.
After that, thereās lots of disgusting stuff happening with the fungus, criminals trying to make off with TVs, and Liam Neeson and friends coming along to save the day (or are they?).
Before anything else, Iāll warn you that there are a couple of animal deaths in this. One is a cat, and one is a stag. I was fine with the stag, but less fine with the cat (because Iām a total cat lady with a clowder of felines).
This film goes heavy on the disgusting with people and animals exploding and heads being shot off and the like, but itās somehow still a very cute little movie. As cute as it is, though, itās not really anything special.
The fungus idea is a fun one, but itās basically just zombies wearing a disguise. Thereās comedy, but most of it is middling at best. As far as the comedy goes, Vanessa Redgraveās character is the funniest one of the bunch (honestly, I think watching the film just for the five or so minutes that sheās in it is probably worth it), and if a very minor character is the most humorous thing youāve got, you might want to up your game. The plot is kind of light, which isnāt a huge deal, because itās a horror-comedy, so what more do you need to know other than ākiller fungus + Liam Neeson as retired spyā? All of that together, however, lands you with a film thatās like a million other ones already out there.
Itās still fun, though, and Joe Keery and Georgina Campbell have great chemistry. I think Keery is one of those kids from āStranger Thingsā (sorry, I watched maybe two episodes of that and got bored), but I donāt know much about him as an actor. But he played Teacake in a way that made it clear, before any dialogue on the matter, that Teacake is a poser trying to play at being tougher than he is, which was a nice touch. I love Campbell; sheās always fantastic no matter what sheās in, and Iād definitely love to see her in even more.
And, of course, you have Liam Neeson who plays Liam Neeson ā but with a bad back, lol.
Thereās weirdly not a ton of action in this thing despite the fact people are having to fight off fungus-infected animals, etc. Maybe itās because the whole thing leads up to a big bang (so to speak) of a finale? I think things could have been a bit improved with more action, though. Mostly what you get is Keery and Campbell running up and down stairs and ladders while trying to avoid the infected and a few seconds of guns. Honestly, I donāt know how those night shift employees werenāt more tired. I wouldāve died from all that stair running, honestly.
Overall, itās very silly and kind of ridiculous, but generally fun. It just isnāt anything out of the ordinary. But if you enjoy your films on the gross side, with green, ooze-looking fungus flying everywhere and watching Neeson be Neeson but older, youāll probably like āCold Storageā a ton.





This was such a blast!