"Cold Storage" Is Silly Fun

Or, these guys are having a far worse day than you.

(Photo courtesy of IMDb.com)

🐀🐀 ½ (out of 🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀)

Director: Jonny Campbell
Screenplay by: David Koepp
Cinematographer: Tony Slater Ling
Starring: Joe Keery, Georgina Campbell, Liam Neeson, Lesley Manville, Vanessa Redgrave, Ellora Torchia

2026’s “Cold Storage” might be the most mainstream thing I’ve ever reviewed here. I mean, Liam Neeson is in it, ffs. And while it’s an exceptionally cute movie, it also reminded me why I prefer to stick to the non-mainstream.

Two night employees at a self-storage facility are having the absolute worst evening. For starters, Teacake’s boss wants him to help get a bunch of stolen TVs out of the facility, but Teacake is on probation, so that’s a big no for him. It’s Naomi’s first night on the job, and she keeps receiving calls from her kid’s father, whom she’s broken up with.

Unfortunately, things only get worse from there. After the bossman leaves, Teacake keeps hearing a squeaking sound and calls up Naomi to see if she hears it, too. They eventually trace the sound to a wall, only to realize that something is behind the wall. Which makes sense, because before this was a self-storage facility, it had been a military post full of fun stuff like bio-weapons. Of course, the two break open the wall to see what’s there and find a bunch of cool stuff. They also find a diagram leading them to floors beneath theirs.

Obviously, they head down there, too, only to find a horrifically disgusting rat king and some kind of green fungus growing all along the walls. (The audience already knows what the fungus is and what it does from the first ten minutes of the film.) They hightail it out of there, only to be greeted by Naomi’s ex, who has shown up. Only, he’s not looking so hot and is acting a bit more violent than usual.

After that, there’s lots of disgusting stuff happening with the fungus, criminals trying to make off with TVs, and Liam Neeson and friends coming along to save the day (or are they?).

(Photo courtesy of IMDb.com)

Before anything else, I’ll warn you that there are a couple of animal deaths in this. One is a cat, and one is a stag. I was fine with the stag, but less fine with the cat (because I’m a total cat lady with a clowder of felines).

This film goes heavy on the disgusting with people and animals exploding and heads being shot off and the like, but it’s somehow still a very cute little movie. As cute as it is, though, it’s not really anything special.

The fungus idea is a fun one, but it’s basically just zombies wearing a disguise. There’s comedy, but most of it is middling at best. As far as the comedy goes, Vanessa Redgrave’s character is the funniest one of the bunch (honestly, I think watching the film just for the five or so minutes that she’s in it is probably worth it), and if a very minor character is the most humorous thing you’ve got, you might want to up your game. The plot is kind of light, which isn’t a huge deal, because it’s a horror-comedy, so what more do you need to know other than “killer fungus + Liam Neeson as retired spy”? All of that together, however, lands you with a film that’s like a million other ones already out there.

It’s still fun, though, and Joe Keery and Georgina Campbell have great chemistry. I think Keery is one of those kids from “Stranger Things” (sorry, I watched maybe two episodes of that and got bored), but I don’t know much about him as an actor. But he played Teacake in a way that made it clear, before any dialogue on the matter, that Teacake is a poser trying to play at being tougher than he is, which was a nice touch. I love Campbell; she’s always fantastic no matter what she’s in, and I’d definitely love to see her in even more.

(Photo courtesy of IMDb.com)

And, of course, you have Liam Neeson who plays Liam Neeson — but with a bad back, lol.

There’s weirdly not a ton of action in this thing despite the fact people are having to fight off fungus-infected animals, etc. Maybe it’s because the whole thing leads up to a big bang (so to speak) of a finale? I think things could have been a bit improved with more action, though. Mostly what you get is Keery and Campbell running up and down stairs and ladders while trying to avoid the infected and a few seconds of guns. Honestly, I don’t know how those night shift employees weren’t more tired. I would’ve died from all that stair running, honestly.

Overall, it’s very silly and kind of ridiculous, but generally fun. It just isn’t anything out of the ordinary. But if you enjoy your films on the gross side, with green, ooze-looking fungus flying everywhere and watching Neeson be Neeson but older, you’ll probably like “Cold Storage” a ton.